Curved roots?

As I've mentioned many, many times before, my mouth is seriously fucked. (Though that x-ray is not mine—it belongs to Queen Hatshepsut, who ruled Egypt around 3500 years ago.) This week I had to have two teeth pulled, which you'd think would be horror-show enough. But no. One of these teeth had curly roots, so instead of just yanking it out, my periodontist had to go a-digging up in my head.

It was not pleasant to say the least. Since he was up there anyway, he did a bone graft and I left the office 2.5 hours later feeling like someone had punched me in the face. He suggested I take some Advil when I got home. Yeah, right. I've been down that road before and had called in the big guns—my friend Vicodin. I'd had to bully my other dentist into prescribing them the week before (yes, I have two people working on my mouth) and was saving them for what I knew would be serious pain.

I do not understand doctors and their problem prescribing painkillers! I'm not going to become a drug addict off eight Vicodin tablets! I only took two and a half because I know I have more painful procedures coming up soon and I want to save them. Plus, I don't even like the way I feel on them. I just don't want to be in pain.

So between my mouth hurting and my brain being sad about the whole debacle I haven't been in a great mood and have only been writing stuff that people are paying me for. Here's my latest Seattle column and also my latest Frisky piece about being friend-dumped via Facebook. Ah, the indignity. It just keeps a-coming.

Comments

[Brian]

Ugh. I had a pair of adult teeth that never erupted. The baby teeth had to be pulled, then the orthodontist tried everything under the sun to pull the adults down, but all that did was pull previously straight teeth up. Finally after eight years of that, an oral surgeon went in to remove the teeth completely and found out why they couldn't be pulled down:

Seriously curly roots.

I was supposed to get implants but never had the cash for it until recently. For ten years I've been wearing a retainer with two false teeth, and only recently got the metal arch clipped off. Before getting that arch clipped, I looked like I was 12.

[Molly]

Ugh, I just went over your older posts of tooth woe. Sounds too horrifying, I can't even begin to imagine what you've been going through. I hate to say this, but it makes me feel better about my own physical shenanigans. Hope you feel better as soon as possible.

[rh]

I had the same thing recently! I was in bed for a week. I will be without a tooth for 9 months until it heals up for the implant. We are sistahs!

[The Vidiot]

Ugh. Mouth pain. The worst. But all doctors are weird about pain pills. I had brain surgery, BRAIN FRICKIN' SURGERY!, and my neurosurgeon said, "tylenol will take care of any pain you might have"

My ass.

[Judy]

Okay, Vidiot—I will quit complaining about my dentists because that is seriously insane. Tylenol? After you've had your head split open? That is nuts.

[The Vidiot]

You don't have to tell me. And not even tylenol with codeine. Just straight up, OTC tylenol. Like it was a miracle drug or something.

But, please, feel free to complain about your mouth. There's something about pain in the mouth that is unbelievable. Maybe because it's so close to the brain.