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I swear this is true. My friend delivers pizzas here in Lincoln, Nebraska and we have these massive, hideous, expensive new homes in the south part of town and they all look like branch offices of banks. Well, he tells me about twice a week he'll deliver a crappy pizza to one of these houses. The wife answers the door and he looks in and their dining room table is a picnic table and their chairs are foldable ones from the hardware store. None of the windows have curtains and they all have $12.99 white blinds from ACE. You notice the Lexus SUV in the driveway, see them at the ugly country club across the street.

Will you be opening a checking or savings account, Sir?

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