I'm Normally Not a Homicidal Maniac. . .

. . . but Miranda July makes me want to take off my shoe and beat her with it until she's bleeding and screaming for mercy. I mean, just look at that picture—almost every time she's photographed, July pulls out her scared, vulnerable, protect-me face. Look—she does it here, here and here! Boo!

Women like her make me insane: "I'm just a widdle girl who never eats an entire meal and I'm  a-scared of nightmares and clowns and boo boos." Wah!

You're in your thirties, bitch. Deal.

Her pretentious, cloying, stab-me-in-the-eye films are triumphs of cinematic torture. I tried to get through that dreadful Me and You. . . flick and was dry-heaving within fifteen minutes. It makes perfect sense that she started off as a performance artist! Name one thing that's more annoying than a performance artist?!? You can't, right? A cold sore on prom night is welcome by comparison.

You have my friend Kate to blame for this mini-rant. She called me up yesterday and while we were in the middle of talking shit about nothing, she mentioned out of nowhere, "I hate Miranda July."

I knew there was a reason we were friends.

Comments

[kate]

i have had a rotten day. this cheers me greatly. almost as much as chug photos, which are at my fingertips anyway, thanks to Bad Advice. many many thanks. xoxo

[Jules]

She is barftastic! What a moody waif. She brings to mind chamomille tea, Enya and enemas.

[Napalm strikes aren't enough]

If she and Conor Oberst had children, it would be like, well, my worst fookin' nightmare: a swarm of wide-eyed uber-sensitivos, lurching down the street (because their hair's in their eyes), boring everyone to death with tales of how artistic and sensitive they are...

I would support the extending of the debacle in Iraq if it meant bringing back the draft...if it meant July and Oberst were sent into combat (or at least had to deal with a Full Metal Jacket-style drill instructor).

Connected to nothing at all: I really hate the art department of the magazine I work for. They SUCK!!!!

[kate]

my art department rules.

[iamnotstarjones]

I CAN'T STAND HER EITHER. To me,
She's a pretentious loser who couldn't hack the requirement to actually have artistic talent and has come up with this shtick that is just as banal and annoying as what Jessica Simpson does to get her money.

But you can't tell Miranda that because she's a (pause, pause)

SERIOUS ARTIST.

I say: Miranda, take your precious ass to Darfur, ASAP.

[Helen]

You all should consider yourselves lucky to be able to hate Miranda July from a distance.
This pathetic woman looks just like my older sister Susan, who is a cold-blooded reptile.(Our Dad divorced her Mom, and so she has hated me from birth). To see that
this look alike is so thoroughly detested warms my heart.
I saw this actress in something lame. I can't believe she chose that sappy name. She might as well named herself Orange Marmalade, it's just creepy.

[kate]

My name is Kate. I HATE Miranda July. I was horrified by You Me blah blah blah but didn't hate her completely until I read one of her short stories. I threw the book across the room. I am now in the process of finding other people who think she is a total sham. Your post makes me know I am not alone!

[Cassandra]

I have to tell you, I absolutely love this post.

Miranda July is the worst punishment I could wish on anyone.

I seethe with rage at the very mention of that woman's name if it's not immediately preceded by "I loathe."

Woman needs to grow the fuck up and stop whining already.

[generic viagra]

It makes perfect sense that she started off as a performance artist! Name one thing that's more annoying than a performance artist?!?