Perhaps My Bar is Set Too Low

Today's Times story about apartment dealbreakers had me puzzled for a while. One guy profiled constantly catches crap from women because of the taxidermied seal in his living room (even though he didn't club it to death himself, that would count as points in his favor in my book). Another got dumped by his peacenik boyfriend after he moved into a multi-million-dollar apartment (capitalist!). The story lists stuffed animals, threadbare inter-galactic-themed sheets and Lego collections as insurmountable impediments to romance.

As I read through these dealbreakers, I couldn't help but think that your average Times reader is kind of an uptight wuss if they let a wayward bong or too-large shoe collection get in the way of potential true love. But then I thought about it a little longer and realized that I was the one with the problem. With a mounting sense of shame I realized I wouldn't even notice inappropriate bedding or overhead lighting . . . because I have an ex-boyfriend who used a dirty rolled-up sweater as a pillow.

Comments

[guess who]

-nail clippings in inappropriate places
-the pile approach to storage and display of any/all items
-leaves empty juice bottles everywhere
-leaves snotty tissues everywhere
-stores unsealed bags of flour in the fridge, which poof their contents hither nad thither
-once tried to use the bathroom sponge to clean the kitchen sink
-if a tornado hit his car the contents of it would look no different though might smell fresher
-is convinced my drive for cleanliness makes me part of the axis of evil
-doesn't understand the point of a monthly-or-gasp-more-often change of sheets
-we won't talk about socks and underwear

[m]

i'm guilty of leaving the occasional toe or finger nail here or there. mostly because in my house i'm not allowed to cut my nails within earshot of my wife because it creeps her out. she has a few weird hang ups like that. she also can't look at the inside of a melon. you know - all the stringy insides. so i find myself in stealth nail-clipping situations. often in the wee hours.
but the rest: pretty gross (snotty tissues, bathroom sponge in the kitchen, old sheets).
although left to my own devices, my sheets could get a little ripe. and i have always prescribed to the "pile method" of storage. pile of clean clothes, pile of dirty clothes. what's the point of folding and putting away if you're just going to wear them anyway? what's the point of making a bed if you just unmake it each night?

[Judy McHaHa]

I also hate the pile storage method, though it's popular with another member of the household, who feels much the way you do about laundry, M. Bedmaking too.

My annoying (I've been told) habits are:

-leaving far too many beauty products around the sink
-getting really freaky if anyone reads my magazine before I do
-the big guy can't stand it if I click my fingernails against each other. he can't deal with the sound

Other than that, I'm perfect.

[more guess who]

i really like the melon phobia. that's original and somehow endearing. i raise a virtual glass to your wife.

i am an avid nail clipper. when it's clip time, i feel refreshed. but the clippings go straight down the bathroom sink or into the bowl. my problem with the-dude-who-shall-not-be-named, whom i sometimes refer to as "desslok, destroyer of apartments," is that he leaves little ant hills of nail clippings in unexpected places. yuk.

i'm not perfect; i'm hard pressed to do all the dishes during the week, though i clean the hell out of the kitchen come saturday. but i was trained to clean by my first major significant other, a cleaning-fanatic lezzie from pennsylvania dutch country.

clean spaces keep this anonymous poster sane. and a spotless home base is much easier to maintain than tornado-home.

but i love my sloppy dude, even though he and his filth drive me nuts.

[Jennifer]

But handy access to fingernail clippings is nice when it's time to made that voodoo dolly.

Just kidding!

My significant other has a problem with compulsive hoarding. He's getting better, though and he recently had a few sessions with a professional organizer that helped a lot. He gets it honestly from his mom, though. She has some serious OCD hoarding issues. She had surgery on her foot last summer and my boyfriend left a day early so that he could clear pathways in her house so she could get through with a walker. After seeing her house (where the den off the kithen is entirely unusable because it is filled with stuff), I've relaxed my standards a little bit. Plus, the boyfriend is aware of his problems and has taken steps to try and correct it. So that's a big plus.

[Jules]

There is a crevice in our sofa over which I have been known to eat chips, crackers and cookies. Sometimes when I leave the house, he has a very intent, focused expression, and when I come home the crevice has been vacuumed. Only then will he sit on that part of the sofa. I am the grub in this relationship.

[Maureen]

Hey, I just wrote a blog on that article too. It's at http://meaux.vox.com/library/post/dating-dealbreakers-in-the-home.html. I followed a link on fourfour to your blog and I'm really digging it. Good stuff, man.