Smellevision!

After reading this frightening post on Gowanus Lounge, I decided to do a mini-tour of my immediate neighborhood. If only the internet came scratch 'n' sniff-equipped. . . .

This is the cabbage factory. Day and night, there are guys  working away in there, shredding thousands of heads of that stinky green vegetable. Once the cabbage is torn up into little bits, it goes into plastic bags, which are then loaded into boxes and up onto a pallet, which a forklift takes out to a truck.

I don't know if you've ever been in close proximity to a ton or so of cabbage, but it's like living within a giant fart cloud. Like the whole block has been dutch-ovened by some great big gassy jerk.

Because there's a certain amount of spillage during the processing, the cabbage is also responsible for an increase in the amount of furry black rodents skittering around the area. Last year, to combat the problem (which I imagine was way worse inside the building), the owners got two tiny little kittens. The kittens eventually grew into scrawny cats, but I haven't seen them in months. I'm betting the rats ate them.

A month or so ago, I saw on Property Shark that this property was for sale for 3.2 million bucks—but now the listing's disappeared and there's no record of a sale. This scares me even more than the cabbage bothers me because I know that whoever buys it will rip it down and in the process, most likely tear down half of my creaky little building next door in the process. I've seen the way Williamsburg developers work and it ain't pretty.

Speaking of incompetent developers with no regard for human life, the next stop on our stank-a-riffic tour is the Roebling Oil Field. . . .

This is the Roebling Oil Field, which will one day become the McCarren Park Mews. Before it came along, our biggest stank issues were the cabbage factory and the occasional whiff of freshly laid poo from the turd-processing plant located a couple miles off. Now, in addition to the eau d' coleslaw, there's a heavy petrochemical scent that permeates the air, causing eyes to water and tummies to churn.

When I first heard it was to be made into Mews, I (naturally) assumed it would be home to cute little ponies. Now I'm not so sure I'd want a pony living there. In fact, I think it would be pony abuse to pasture any living animal on such an obviously toxic site. I mean, this isn't some weird leak that you can't smell—you can even see the oil gurgling and, well, I already mentioned the smell.

I'm closing with a completely gratuitous pussy shot. Heh. After taking a stroll down Stinky Street, I need a little cheering up.

Comments

[osisbs]

I'm guessing that when you get a piece of paper out and draw up the "pros" and "cons" of living in New York, the cabbage factory, rats, and petrol would be on the con side.
Have you ever considered moving here?

http://www.city-data.com/city/Madison-Wisconsin.html

I sure have....but I probably am stuck where I'm stuck for the same reasons.

[rose]

the gassy fart smell is imbedded in everything i own, too. carpet, couch, jackets--ensuring that wherever i go, a bit of 234 comes with me. at least you have mabes, judes!

[a.murkin]

I guess Williamsburgh will remain an industrial burgh though threatened by the hipster influx.
Long live the machines! Ka-thunk! Ka-thunk!

[suzy]

hiya honey. "the no-shit news of the day" post got me to snickerin', the best part of what is, thus far, a not so fine day.

i just left a message on meredith's machine, suggesting that we grab our sleeping bags and camp out. i mean, the tent's right there. another plus - if we get cold we can just toss a match and, poof! fire in the hole. the booze-spiked hot chocolate is on me.

rose lives in your building too? we'll make it a foursome.

you in?

[Judy McCamper]

I am so there.

[suzy]

kewl. another way to use all that luscious free erl - we'll get funny cars and drive 'em in a triangular path around sir monsoon square 'til we're dizzy, then we'll sit around the fire in the hole and tell spooky stories and i'll bring my jason mask and shine a flashlight in my spikey mouth hole.

this is gonna be so hot.

[justine]

You should visit Graham Avenue. From about Skillman to Metropolitan, the sewer system doesn't function properly and there is a fabulous smell coming out of the grates. It has gotten increasingly bad over the last 3-4 years.

[suzy]

HARF! i lived on north 9th back in the early 90's (when people were shorter and lived by the water). i'd draw a bath and hang out at the other end of my tenement real estate 'til it was ready. then i'd go back to the kitchen, the location of the tub. on more than a few occasions i found a tub filled with a golden brown substance with what can be properly described as an oil slick floating atop. so, we've got the newtown crick exxon valdez size oil spill, the roebling oil fields, the eau de justine, and now, in my place of business, on union avenue, when the monsoons come ... suffice it to say that i've got roto-rooter on speed dial.

and they want HOW MUCH for those condos?

[Miss Heather]

"I don't know if you've ever been in close proximity to a ton or so of cabbage, but it's like living within a giant fart cloud. Like the whole block has been dutch-ovened by some great big gassy jerk."

Priceless.

[suzy]

thank you, miss heather. i do believe that my comprehension skills have followed the second (or is it the third?) law of thermodynamics in an entropic fashion; that is, consumption of alcohol (+) and resultant brain failure are in quantative correlation to comprehension (-).

what i mean is, i kinda sorta missed that the first time. it truly is a sort of poetry in (olfactory) (com) motion.

speaking of poetry in motion, sniff that subway!

[Electrodouche]

dutch-ovened!
That in-itself was worth the price of admission!
Very funny stuff!