The Creepy Stomach Crud

On Friday, after a hellishly long, mucho-delayed, L-train trip, I made it into the office, just in time to hurl my guts up. Luckily, I was alone, so nobody had to bear witness to the spectacle. See, I hate vomiting. I would rather have explosive diarrhea and a hand full of paper cuts than blow chunks. I suspect that this is because unless I bend over and look, I can't actually see what's coming out of my ass. But puking—there's really no way to get around seeing that. And then when I see it, I get all grossed out and puke some more. By that point I'm generally so upset, nine times out of ten, I'm also sobbing and thus, dripping snot out my nose. Pretty, right?

Anyway, I felt a bit better this weekend, only to wake up this AM with the telltale signs: sweats, whirling guts, those less-than-tasty burps. . . . So I took charge of my body and decided that there was no way in hell I was going to puke again today. You'd think with a bulimic in the family I'd be well used to the many charms of vomit, but you'd be wrong.

So to combat the nausea I decided to abstain from food, thinking that if there's nothing in there, nothing can come out. It's not like I'm in any danger of wasting away, so I'm home, just sipping on some water and the occasional Diet Coke (I'm sick! It's allowed!) every now and again. I'm proud to report that though I'm a little weak from hunger, there's been no projectile puking.

Not yet, anyway. Burp.

OH, and speaking of toilets, I totally wanna win this!

Comments

[Jules]

When I throw up, it also comes out my nose. Do you get that, too?

[Judy McQueasy]

Um, I've been trying to avoid the whole puking thing and that was the wrong thing to read. I have to go now.

[threetoedsloth]

When I get post-nasal drip and have to hack mucus into the toilet, I get so grossed out by the sight and the thought of it that I usually wind up puking along with it. It's the BEST.

[Scarlett]

You haven't lived until you've projectile vomited in the bathroom of a moving Amtrak train--multiple times. Over the holidays my man and I took Amtrak from Pittsburgh to NYC and I took that opportunity to get food poisoning. So that was a fun journey.