"L" is for Loads Better, Thanks!

I realized that the last three things I've written included poop, puke and period. I vow to make this blog entry as fluid-free as humanly possible.

You're probably wondering what happened on the L Word Sunday night, aren't you? I know I'm a day late in providing a recap, but sometimes life gets in the way of the important things. Let's see. . . Cybill Shepard's character went down on Alice, which was kind of cute and funny. I am opening the closet door and coming out as a Cybill Shepard fan. She always looks so cheerfully nuts! Though I don't find her particularly attractive, I don't blame Alice for going there.

Pseudo-cholo Papi challenged Alice and her "bourgie" friends to throw down on the basketball court, which provided yet another retarded "very special lesson" in a season that looks to be chock full of them. Tina the Polesmoker stopped by to join the team, but you can bet that Dykie-Come-Lately (aka Jenny) had something to say about that:

Jenny: This is game is only for leeeessssbiaaaans.
Tina: I still identify as a lesbian.
Jenny: When you're walking down the street with your male luv-uh, enjoying all the perks of a heterosexist society, you're not a lesbian. [Or something like that.]
Tina: Being a lesbian is a political act.
Jenny: It's not who you vote for, it's who you fuck.

I think at this point we, the viewer, are meant to ponder which of the two is right. Maybe sip on a chai latte and ruminate on the different points of view the ladies brought up—what does make a lesbian a lesbian? Hmm. But frankly, Jenny and Tina are the most irritating characters on the show and I'd prefer they settle their argument with a razor fight.

This episode introduced the Marlee Matlin character whom I already want to punch. She's irreverent! She's fierce! She's Bette's intellectual equal (unlike the potential bunny-burner grad student Bette's inexplicably been schtupping), but most of all, she's handicapped! If they can manage to not make the deaf thing an issue, I'll be happy, but I highly doubt the writers will be able to resist. Sigh.

Max/Moira got dumped after coming out to the boss's daughter. I think we all saw this coming, though I predict the chick will be back for more. Just a hunch. The manny is about five seconds away from cheating on Kit with Tina's weird German fembot nanny. Poor Kit! Shane's little brother (who blessedly remains nearly mute, thus making it possible to refrain from hating him) broke his arm and so now Shane has to become a Hugo Boss underpant model to pay the hospital bills. I know I'd gladly become a Victoria's Secret model to pay my dental bills, but so far nobody's offered me the position.

But the best thing about this week's episode were the scenes from next week! Jenny's story gets (gag!) published in the New Yorker and apparently she's pulled a Truman Capote and dished dirt about all her friends. Alice, in particular, is pissed! Slap her! C'mon, punch her in the head! Alice, I know you can take that whiney little bitch!

Comments

[Cupcake]

Razor fight! Razor fight!

Tina doesn't have enought cats to be a lesbian.

Thanks for the update!

[jules]

After watching the modeling shoot, Gary said he was finally starting to "get" my whole Shane-mania. Does that make him gay?

[kate]

"razor fight"!!!

i'm beginning to think that i don't need to catch up on L Word. your recaps are way better!

[Judy McCertain]

As Shane has the most boyish lower belly/hip area I've ever seen outside of a junior high locker room (I opened the wrong door!), I think that definitely makes Gary gay. For a more detailed and hilarious account of the episode go here:
http://www.afterellen.com/thelword/recaps/4/4

[bad lesbian dates]

Why does Tina still think she's a lesbian? She's not a lesbian. She's bisexual. Or Anne Heche-ian, a sexual orientation unto itself.