For this I waited the better part of a year?!? Last night's L Word season premiere was almost painful to watch. With dialogue and storylines so clunky, it was like something crafted by your uncool dabbler auntie from Witchita.
"I'm really busy—my band just released their first demo on myspace," went one nonsensical line. If the writer was going to reference myspace, perhaps they should've, oh, I don't know, Googled it to find out what it was. But I'm betting there's a chance the writer doesn't know about Google, either.
If you're interested in a full recap, you should read the hilarious Scribe Girrl's take over at AfterEllen.com. For anyone who cares, I'm just going to do a brief rundown of the highlights after the jump.
My favorite part of the entire episode was the puffy red and purple quilted uterus hanging in Bette's attorney's office. Nothing says "I'm a serious lawyer" like a giant felt vagina on your wall.
My second favorite moment was Bette morphing into a scary Park Slope Stoller Mom while unsuccessfully trying to feed Fugitive Baby Angelica at some truckstop diner. Frustrated at her kid's inability to use a glass, she finally bellows: "I need a sippy cup!!! Doesn't anyone here have a SIPPY CUP!!!!"
And while you're at it, "NO WIRE HANGERS!!!!!"
Oh, and doesn't Jenny's new girlfriend, Claude (played by French actress Elodie Bouchez). . .
. . . look exactly like skantastic French Vogue EIC, Carine Roitfeld?
Mostly this episode was a disappointment. Shane's angst has made her turn back to the bottle. Thankfully, only the tiny kind you used to get on airplanes, but she's a skinny thing, so they seem to do the job. Jenny's new book is out and we were left in limbo 'til next week, waiting to see what the New York Times had to say (pray you got Maslin and not Michiko!). Though the other dudes in his trans support group marveled at the amount of testosterone he was taking, Max did not go into a 'roid rage even though Jenny kept making out with her new chick in front of him. Nor did he seem remotely interested in joining in. Perhaps he'll be the first documented case of testosterone actually making someone smarter!
Because she let the dum-dum Manny make the appointment, Jackie Brown wound up at one of those pregnancy crisis centers for her abortion and got a couple photos of aborted feti for her trouble. I won't even go into how stupid this plotline is. They're in LA, ferchrissakes.
Alice continues to be my fave L-Worder, however even though this episode picks up right where the last one left off (without the usual six-month gap in between, thank christ), Alice looks like she was a contestant on Extreme Makeover during her downtime—suddenly she's 15 pounds thinner and wearing eye shadow.
Hopefully next week will improve the situation, but with the addition of yet another small child to the cast, my hopes are not nearly as high as Shane was last night.
Feh. I didn't think it was that bad. I'm looking forward to Cybil Shepherd on the show next week. I hope she makes lots of trouble. But I agree -- the rampant introduction of - gah! - children on the show is so unwelcome.
Posted by: Jules | January 08, 2007 at 01:16 PM
Cybil Shepard will be fun. I'm less looking forward to Marlee Matlin. They need to get a Tilly on there—Jennifer or Meg, doesn't matter which one. Melanie Griffin would also be highly amusing.
Posted by: Judy McGuestbian | January 08, 2007 at 05:41 PM
Jennifer Tilly!!! The Tilly is almost too much for the show. But could you not see The Tilly give a nice fine smackdown to the Jenny?
What was up with Shane wearing the wet white shirt the whole show. So not hot--the little boy chest on Shane....oy vey...
Posted by: rose | January 08, 2007 at 07:22 PM
And what about the weird red marks on Shane's boy nips?!? What WAS that? Did Cherie Joffe get toothy on her or what?!?
The Tilly would totally smack the crap out of Jenny. I'm a little disappointed that Jackie Brown hasn't taken Jenny out.
Posted by: Judy McGuestbian | January 08, 2007 at 07:33 PM
All I know is that the lesbian softball bar down the street here is dirty. When I hear about two women kissing I just imagine the scrod on the toilet there and the lime encrusted faucet and the cig butts floating in the overflow around my feet. I think I'm gonna hurl.
Posted by: osisbs | January 09, 2007 at 10:23 AM
Oh no -- Marlee Matlin? Seriously? She is so unwatchable. I agree that for sleeping with William Hurt, she deserves some sort of reparation. But this has gone on for years!
Posted by: jules | January 10, 2007 at 01:01 PM
Marlee Matlin just has "a very special episode" written all over her. Bette should be out hate-fucking every dyke in town, but instead we're going to get sensitive loooove-making. Snort.
Posted by: Judy McGuestbian | January 10, 2007 at 01:57 PM
Ok I too am a L word groupie... This seemed to bring great joy to the dude at blockbuster who asked "you are one of them" when I rented the last season. His broken spanglish and flicker in his eyes made me think ok great...... he has a fantasy figure for his spanking threesome sessions. Huffff! No, actually I am penis lover and think chicks are hot, but not enough to carpet dive. Needless to say this made me a closet L word viewer. Then I found there was many a closet L worder and many of them my friends. Thank god you are one to....
Ok so yes I agree there was some lame, lame dialogue and I left feeling annoyed by most of the characters. A whole year for this hmmmmm.
Ok the Jackie Brown freak out at the hospital seemed really lame. I felt like siding with the women who showed her the picture. It did not work at all and I am like what is up.... having the baby or not? Like you have a dude who loves you and wants the baby. Sorry Kit, but in many ways what do you have going on anyway?!? Just have the baby and get over it....
Tina melba toast does nothing for me but seem retarded and boring as hell. There is nothing to her and she is best to run away in hetero world never to be heard from again. I want Dana back and take Tina out instead. Also ok kids- great but enough.... Bette is so annoying with her whole bi-racial stuff.... fuck she looks latina what up with anyway?
Also Marina my favorite character re-entry was so wasted. Jenny is so creepy in her mentally ill non-connected responses. I think I enjoy her hairstyle changes and beyond that she is too skittish for anything to relate to.
People who still have my interest are Max ( I was totally in gawking shock at all the dude tranny chicks group therapy session- wow something real and believable how un-L word- real lesbionics). Thankfully the lame anger dude stuff is going to settle down. Also Jenny is a mean bitch getting it on all in front of her ex..... talk about cruel and just so not sexy......
Well Alice is still cute and I like her radio show as a chorus to the show. The blowout over the top concept about the solar system sex hub world is well, lame if you have any tech savvy ....for them having a server and developed it over night is so far fetched. TV makes computers so much cooler than they are....... but I agree that hits the same lame "myspace" line reference to pop/tech culture.Oh and how did the coke not blow all over the fucking place at the beach.... sometimes these small details erk me.... It makes me just think did I get duped into liking this show and now I am hooked?!?!?
Yes, I also view Alice's hairstyles and record them with mental notes for future haircuts. It helps for a distraction when the dialogue get painful.
General thoughts: The opening song is SO painful! If they bring back the band Betty one more time I will puke- they SUCK! Lesbos or not- awful!
Shane: just let her run around in new hairstyles and outfits.... lets not get too fancy about her tragedy.... I never connected with Carmen anyhooo....
Ok and I do not have Showtime.... and no lesbians seem to post torrent links to episodes for illegal downloading.... So I am at the mercy of watching them off the L word Website.... That, or my friend needs to have L word night.....
Somehow I am not sure how I feel about group watching.....like you I will be SSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH-ing people.... only I get to mock them.... Otherwise I may miss some lame dialogue.....
Posted by: jp | January 11, 2007 at 04:34 PM
Did ANYONE like the premiere? Because I too hated it and I am thankful I'm not alone as it was sooo bad I wondered if good taste had deserted the planet.
The only storyline of interest was Shane's (altho, Gawd we do not need another fucking kid on that show.) When they were going on about Kit getting an abortion, I thought yeah she'll end up one of those right-wing faux clinics. Surprise me at least once L Word. Are you telling me Angus can't find one real abortion clinic in LA?? BTW, hate that romance. Tina's het boyfriend is dullsville. Jenny still sucks. The theme song sucks balls (hear that Betty? You suck male anatomy!)
At least Carmen is gone. I never dug her. Anyways, I'll probably still watch tonight because what else is on Sundays? But the show is just wretched. Do the writers hate lesbians? (yes, I know they are lesbians thus I am only more confused and bitter.)
Posted by: Vanessa | January 14, 2007 at 08:51 AM
What the hell happened to this show? I knew once Erin Daniels left that the show would go downhill. Who the heck is this annoying Papi Character anyway? So far, this seasons new characters and storyline is a sleeper! Ilene Chaiken made a big mistake to kick Erin off the show!
Posted by: Elana | January 16, 2007 at 10:43 PM