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Comments

rose

but that nice man at your BF's show had a transistor radio, judes.

Judy

Why, yes, Rose. . . that is what prompted my warning. I believe you missed the part of the evening he spent feeling up the ladies.

MissPinkKate

OMG, that Colonix stuff is disgusting. And I totally want some.

kc

okay dategirl, you can smack me, but i kinda love the dog crate. now, i don't like the suburban faux-farmhouse aesthetic of the thing, but dog crates are so hideous, and these people made one that fits with their (pedestrian and overbaked apple-pie) decor. crates are a good thing for most doggies, and this one actually isn't hideous. and annie has head room. if i were a pooch, i'd give it two paws up.

mark, formerly of Park Slope when it was crack-ridden and lesbian-central as opposed to a Suburban o

wow - so many things to comment on.
so much to digest. i can't focus judy. you've turned my world upside down today. i can only imagine what Ivan will have to say after he reads...

i'll have to pick one.

i can't tell you how many times i wished that i had something to throw at asshole drivers! so many times that i have a running dialogue in my head of prepared speeches and comebacks. i usually wish for a carton of old eggs, but now i'm a little inspired to stock up on the canned goods. after my first year in Seattle, i remember reading in the paper how a guy on the freeway had some sort of altercation on the on-ramp - forgot the details but it was clearly road-rage. so... it all ended up with a Starbucks grande latte being whipped from one car into the seat of the other. lawsuits followed.
But I wonder - had I been the guy that cut the baby-wielding woman off, would have i been less pissed had the can been Muir Glenn organic tomatoes? if it was del monte soggy green beans would i have been thrown into a rage? i know that if i had been on the receiving end of the Seattle latte toss, i would have been much less enraged had it been say an Americano from Peets, or some other less-McDonalds-like coffee roaster.
Here in soCal, I've learned not to egg on angry drivers.i assume everyone is packing heat. same goes for street-crossing, stroller-pushing mamas.

Judy

I've never gone for the canned goods, but I smacked a car with my purse once and was instantly transformed into a 95-year-old harridan.

Pink Kate, do you really want ropey strands of fecal matter coming out of you? I think my sphincter would seal itself shut if it knew that was coming out. Read some more testimonials before you buy. Especially the one from the guy who excreted the black rice balls.

And Just-Plain-Kate, I understand dogs like their crates, but that thing is really fugly and offends my delicate aging hipster sensibility.

snarky marky

a few more things.

that dog crate IS fuckin' ugly. the last thing this world needs is more crap with a colonial spin.
send those people a subscription to Ready Made magazine.

according to my doctor, our colons clean themselves on their own schedule. and my friend Melissa on more than one occasion, has had spontaneous "evacuations" from doing cleansings. Once was out in public with her boyfriend. Far away from a bathroom.They almost broke up over it because she claimed he "lacked sensitivity and understanding".

Judy - I loved your response to the insane woman who sleeps with a Republican. Spot on, sister!

Her stupidity makes me think she deserves to be with an asshole, but this is coming from the father of a three year old who's favorite response lately has been - "Dad, you're fucking me out".
This is her answer to anything that frustrates her.
So, what do I know?

Judy

If my boyfriend had a "spontaneous evacuation" I believe I would also be "lacking in sensitivity and understanding." In fact, I think would be hard-pressed to stop laughing about it EVER.

m

i draw the line at anything involving poop. unless it's come out of a baby or a dog.
and sometimes that even makes me gag.
by the way - my friend Melissa has never been to my house without visiting the bathroom to move her bowels. she's very open that way. i on the other hand, must have complete privacy - usually with soundproofing and reading material.

Judy

I trust you will not be sharing this blog with Melissa. I'm with you on the need for privacy. I make the big guy turn the TV way up and pretend I'm just in another room working on a crafts project or something.

m

in our house, we call it "spending time".
so when someone is in the bathroom - if you need to know just how long they'll be, you ask "are you spending time" or just peeing?
it sounds very British but it's a really good code expression if you feel like talking about poop in a restaurant.

You know - Melissa would really love this blog and I should share it with her. She comes from a very eccentric family of artists. Nothing shocks them. You might have to delete my comments.

I think a good sign of a long-lasting relationship is when suddenly you find yourselves sharing the bathroom while "spending time".

Did I ever tell you about my friend Sarah's parents and their hefty bag story?
Well - here's the short version just in case you missed out on this tale:
While on vacation in France a few years ago, Sarah's mom came down with a bad stomach virus. Her Dad insisted on keeping to their planned schedule. So instead of stopping to allow his wife to relieve herself at the closest rest stop, he gave her a garbage bag and told her to "do her thing" in the back seat of their rental car.
Apparently they saw a lot of the country and kept a full supply of Hefty bags in the car at all times.

Pooping is not a right; it's a duty!

From transistor radios (and what pray tell is wrong with them, Judester?) to scary mommies to the great equilizer: poop!

My bowels are in pretty good shape for someone who devours too much cooked flesh--workin' just fine, thankyouverymuch! But Dr. Natura's testimonials *were* fascinating!

BTW: Wow, Sarah's father sounds like a total a-hole! Making the missus do her dooky in a garbage can in a moving car? Man, psycho-thrill-killers on a cross-country murder spree don't even force their doe-eyed teenage love slaves to pee in a hefty bag! That's soooo nasty!And in France! Where people pee just about everywhere, right? I'm shocked, shocked!

osisbs

Speaking of French holidays, while on vacation in France my friend's new husband's parents would not let her get new glasses after her glasses were smashed in the hotel room. She spent two weeks in France blind as a bat on her honeymoon/vacation with in-laws. This doesn't have anything to do with anything, but they're a-holz. Perhaps a can of beans upside a head would have set them straight.

m

one should never go on vacation w/ in-laws.
it's not really a vacation is it?

osisbs

You're right and, come to think of it, he and his folks are all Republicans. She's since dumped them and moved on, I just discovered.

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