There are very few magazines I subscribe to anymore. Partly because I'm cheap, partly because it annoys me that I get them only after my crackhead mailman has thumbed through them. And my number-one freakass neurosis is that I hate when someone reads my magazine before I do—I'm talkin' to you, Cracky! I try to laugh this unbecoming nuttiness off, but seriously, it makes me crazy.
Like say, a friend will be over and nonchalantly pick up my new issue of Vanity Fair. I immediately tense up, but only on the inside, because how big a superspazz will I look like if I do what I want to do, which is to snatch the magazine out of their hands and clutch it to my chest, shrieking "MINE!!! MINE!!!! MINE!!!!!?" Instead, I usually try to force a grin and casually say something along the lines of "Oh, hey, I want to show you something from that fascinating Keira Knightley feature," and then grab it. Once it's in my clutches and I can quickly scan through the pages, making certain that I've seen all the photos first (if only for a split second); only then can I relax and can hand it back.
Anyway. I used to subscribe to Budget Living, but it went out of business. I loved Budget Living! It used to inspire me to do crafty projects I hardly ever finished and find cool stuff on the cheap. So when they quit publishing it, I figured my twelve bucks or whatever, was history. Apparently not. Instead, the publisher started sending me House Beautiful! WTF?!? What a crappy magazine! More to the point, it's everything Budget Living was against! Four-hundred dollar plates set out on $12,000 tables! And they're not even pretty plates and tables—they look like something your WASPy granny would covet. Yuck. Anyway, I wrote the publisher and gave them what-for. I don't particularly care if I lose my ten bucks, but I don't want that crap coming to my house. Because, being a freak, even though I hate it, I have to read it from cover to cover (before anyone else touches it; not that they'd want to!), and that's just weird.
you have done that to me, you FREAK!
Posted by: heater | June 26, 2006 at 02:47 PM
done that to me, too. judy, i actually think you have lost it. get a grip. take sip of the dark mistress and lean back
Posted by: roses | June 26, 2006 at 08:13 PM
Isn't the first step admitting you have a problem? At least you guys don't live with me--I don't even try to hide my fury from the Big Guy!!!
Posted by: judes | June 26, 2006 at 08:59 PM
why don't you hide your precious new mags, that way you won't have to hide your fury or freakyness.
excellent photo, by the way. does the front of your fridge still have the ocd photo line up? i don't remember....
Posted by: Heater | June 27, 2006 at 12:22 PM
I am not weird and my fridge isn't OCD!!!! But no, all the photos fell off. I need a new adhesive that doesn't melt in the heat.
Posted by: judes | June 27, 2006 at 01:12 PM
Hee hee! Not weird in the least, sugarplum!
Posted by: Heater | June 27, 2006 at 01:24 PM