My latest make-believe TV boyfriend, Anthony Bourdain, is reading tomorrow night along with Bill Buford and Mario Batali (?!), and tickets are already sold out! Lucky you if you snagged one. Since initially being annoyed by the overly testicular Kitchen Confidential, I've grown quite fond of Mr. Bourdain and watch his show on the travel channel almost religiously (though not with as much creepy fervor as I viewed The L Word).
A week or two ago, my Large Greek turned to me during the show and said "You'd so do him." I mounted a half-hearted protest, but it made a certain amount of sense. Bourdain is tall, skinny, dorky and talks way too much—in other words, my type. Yet up until LG said that, I really hadn't given it much thought. But since then I've had two boyfriend dreams about Anthony Bourdain! Not sex dreams, mind you, but the kind of dreams where someone's just really nice and you do stuff together. Isn't that pathetic? If I'm going to cheat in my dreams, why does it include boring crap like going to the movies or strolling around? Can't a girl get a little hot monkey love in her sleep? So not fair.
But Judy, if you were with AB, you wouldn't just be strolling in the park holding hands. You'd be eating something exotic...like marinated komodo dragon womb...cooked over burning yak dung...to be washed down with fermented banyang tree bark and betel nut juice...and for dessert? How about some jellied scorpion tails? Mmmmmmm! Now that's a date!
Posted by: Weird Food Eatin' Ivan | June 21, 2006 at 01:00 AM