Sunday Night Snoozefest

Unlike most Mondays, when I only have one show to report on, this week was Oscar Sunday and so I have two! Unfortunately, both the Academy and the Lesbians failed me this week.

I was tired to start with. Granny had a mid-day beer on an empty stomach, which turned her into one tired lady. Still, I was hellbent on staying up for the L Word since I wasn't sure if Dana was going to die.  (Looks like they left that for next week.)

Biding my time, I tuned into the pre-game Oscar fashion show, flipping between Creepy Joan Rivers and her Creepier daughter on the TV Guide channel, Skeevy Ryan Seacrest and charming Isaac Mizrahi on E, and then Yucky Billy Bush and the inexplicably employed Chris Connelly on ABC. WHERE was Kathy Griffin? This was the most tiresome Oscar pre-game EVER. Nobody looked too terrible, nor did anyone look, say, or do anything remotely interesting. Yawn.

Because my boyfriend kept flipping to some irritating Hellraiser movie, I cracked open Girlbomb: A Halfway Homeless Memoir. The author, Janice Erlbaum, is an old friend of the  Large Greek's and we'd gone to see her read at Sunny's in Red Hook, earlier in the day. I am officially in awe. What an amazing read. I'm up to page 191 already! I haven't liked a book this much since Lisa Carver's last one. Buy it here.

Anyway, I completely quit paying attention to the Awards at all after George Clooney won. His self-fellating, completely full-of-shit speech made me snarl, so I gave up the remote and let Greeky devote himself to Pinhead. Until ten.

FINALLY it was time for my girls. I was struggling to stay awake and this week's episode didn't exactly pep me up. Carmen got cranky and told her Mexican mama that she and Shane were doing the nasty and to quit trying to fix Shane up with carpet cleaners. She'd munch that rug, thanks!

Alice went on a date with some boring girl, but Dana ruined it by getting sick and calling her for help. It doesn't look good for Dana, which is too bad because I actually like her.

Tina, continuing with her newly acquired habit of leg-humping anything in a five-mile radius with a penis, finally got her cock. Never mind that it belongs to a wimpy graphic designer with all the personality of a soymilk-soaked sponge. He gave her the ween. Hopefully that'll shut her ass up for a couple episodes as she is quickly overtaking Jenny as the most irritating person on the show.

I cannot even discuss the Max/Moira and Jenny situation without curling my lip, so you'll just have to take my word for it that it is completely boring and stupid. My only hope is that Max/Moira flies into a 'roid rage and beats Jenny to death with a barbell.

Bette is at some freako new-age chanty meditation retreat, but it looks like there's a little tension of the sexual kind developing with one of the shaved-head lady monks. Ohm, ohm, ohm, HARDER!!!! Hee hee.

Helena and Ellen's ex's storyline has devolved into something so retarded that I'm too bored to report it here. I will say that Ellen's ex has a nice rack on her. Hers were the only boobies seen last night. Let's hope for more next week, though that looks to be a highly dramatic, tearjerking episode and we know that means little or no sex. Damn.

Comments

[kc]

do you really think dana's going to die?

[Ivan]

Judy, you can dis the Academy Awards as much as you want: I still won the office Oscar Pool! Yeah, a whopping $60 I can now set on fire with which to light my cigars. Cohibas, natch.

Meanwhile--Okay, Judeski, you've convinced me: I will *never* watch the L Word. (Did you at least let the Big Greek finish watching his Hellraiser movie? My fave is Hellraiser 2, it's super-gross!)

[judes]

I haven't seen the message boards, so I don't know any spoilers, but it doesn't look good for Dana. It looks like next week is a big mawkish deathfest. I could be wrong though.

Ivan, there are very few space aliens in the L Word and only one monster (Jenny), so you're right; I don't think it's up your alley. However, there are boobies. Lots and lots of boobies. Unfortunately, you have to sit through lots of talking to get there.

[jules]

Well, Jon Stewart was a bit of a boobie on the Oscars.

[girlbomb]

Lady, you're too, too good to me. So great to hang out with you -- I'm looking forward to more of that.