Privacy, Please!

I am pee shy, but even more than that, I am poo-scared. I canNOT poop unless conditions are perfect—preferably in my own home, seated on my own throne. Taking a dump in a public bathroom is such a rare occurrence, and done only under such intestinal distress, I cannot even recall the last time it happened. It's been years. Every time I go on vacation it takes me DAYS to be able to let it out.

Which is why this story in yesterday's Times actually made me gasp out loud in horror; apparently the latest thing in apartment design is glass-walled bathrooms! WTF? Now what kind of crazy person wants a bathroom that everyone can see into? Even if you're some kind of hippy and don't mind people watching you do your business, the bathroom is the one place that nobody's going to barge into.

I remember examining in horror my first stray pubes in my parent's bathroom (I quickly shaved them off). What if, instead of having that private moment, my brothers were there to share it with me—their little noses pressed up against the glass? Good god. And you think I have issues NOW? Or my first experimental tampon try ruined by my mom gesticulating wildly that I was doing it wrong and then pantomiming the correct application stance, in full view of the entire family? The horror!

Lucky for me, none of my friends are on the architectural cutting edge and so far everyone I visit has a fully enclosed crapper (not that I'd poop at a friend's house, but still). It's funny the things you never even realized you should be grateful for.

Comments

[Ivan]

And in a few years we'll read about some preteen who has slaughtered his family, "just so I could poop in peace."

As much as I'm willing to poop almost anywhere, glass bathrooms seem so *wrong*. Privacy is needed for a variety of bathroom-associated activities: flossing, popping zits, clipping nose hairs--not to mention all that "girly" stuff!

[rose]

judes, since you know, i, too, am poo shy, i, too am relieved i know of not one person who would get in on this trend. i still go into every trip knowing that it could possibly be a week before i relieve my bowls of the trip's food intake.
but recently, i have started a routine which has included going in my workplace commode room. everyday, same time, same place. but today someone was in there. so i am bloated and cranky. a girl's got to poo in piece, i tell you.

[rose]

see, so bloated and uncomfortable i am confusing a piece with peace!!
btw, my toilet is fcked at 234--yours is, too, right?

[Ivan]

Where's Capt. Jon? We NEED his poo-stained opinions on this (fecal) matter!

A Poem:
Cool porcelain on
your asscheeks
as the sphincter unleashes
the coiled demons
onto
an unsuspecting
world! Yay!

[judes]

Yep. I've had to plunge several times. Good times.

[ComaBoy]

Glass-walled toilets? Why do I want everyone to watch me pee sitting down? (Yeah, I'm a guy, but I'm a lazy guy... and I live in a house full of girls and it's good enough for the dog, and even she doesn't like when people watch...)

Glass-walled toilets are the stupidest idea I've heard in a long time and believe me, if anyone I knew had one, I'd park a chair right outside it and just wait with a video camera until they burst or I had enough material to start a website...

[kristina]

When I was growing up, I used to be so grossed by my parents inability to remember to close the bathroom door or not walk in when I was doing my business.

Now I can shit in any pot.

Just think of the upcoming generations who will be trained to release themselves under any circumstances.

That's freedom.

[Angela]

My bf and I still shut the door even just to pee (2.5 years later). On vacation in Jamaica, I didn't poop for four days. I wasn't holding anything in -- my body just knew to wait until he was asleep or something. Luckily, he's deaf in one ear and was sleeping on his good ear the morning things couldn't wait any longer.

Glass bathroom walls. There is no god.