That's right, Cracky the Mailman, I'm talking to you. You, the drunken jackass who decides arbitrarily that Wednesday means no mail for my entire building—and for all I know, the whole block. Last week it was Saturday that you decided to skip off to the bar instead. Who knows what next week has in store. Maybe you'll go for Monday. Nobody likes Monday. Much better you sit somewhere warm and cozy while the nice man behind the counter pours you a delicious alcoholic beverage. Or ten.
I hope you enjoy my magazines, because I certainly don't get to until they're out of date and obviously thumbed through. Was that jelly donut delicious? Sure, it made for a sticky read, but I hope you enjoyed it.
Oh, and did I mention that I'm a FREELANCER, which means most of my income gets to me via the U.S. Postal Service? I love it that I haven't gotten one check in three weeks. When I'm expecting FOUR of them. But that's okay, I'll just dip into my savings. . . oh wait. . . I don't HAVE ANY FUCKING SAVINGS, you pathetic piece of shit! Yes, your job sucks, but you have a pension, full benefits and get to wear a snappy outfit, so don't come bitching to me. I get to siphon money off my boyfriend or sell my books, while you get paid to get drunk and smoke crack. And I can't even complain about your sorry ass because then I'll never EVER get another piece of mail. So this anonymous fuck you is the best I can do. For now, anyway. . . .
I hate you.
Oh, and South Dakota, I hate you even more than I hate my mailman.
hey hey, whoaaaa.... take it easy sister... what did South Dakota ever do to you?!!?
Posted by: Cap'n Jon | February 24, 2006 at 05:29 PM
I share your hatred of civil servents. The postelworkers at the Williamsburg post office nearly started a riot when taking 40 minutes to get 5 people packages. Then there was the time they left vomit on the floor for an hour. Gotta love people paid by the hour.
Posted by: Molly Crabapple | February 25, 2006 at 09:02 PM
South Dakota is making it impossible for women to have abortions. For that they deserve worse than a simple "fuck you."
And yessss, the Williamsburg Post Office! I downright refuse to go there. I have stuff sent to my office instead, but even if I get a package notice at home, I just ignore it. I'd rather not get a gift than have to deal with those people in person.
Posted by: judes | February 26, 2006 at 03:10 PM
ahh shizzle. i had no idea about South Dakota. I was too busy worrying about whether or not Nick Lachey was going to win Dancing With the Stars... so,
FUCK YOU SOUTH DAKOTA!
Posted by: Cap'n Jon | February 27, 2006 at 10:35 AM
I used to go to South Dakota each year for vacation and then...one day...electronic voting came to the world. Bang! No more Tom Daschle. No more liberal government. No more abortions. No more vacations to SD for me. How sad. It used to be so cool.
Posted by: Paul from Nebraska | February 27, 2006 at 03:06 PM