I would first like to remind anyone who happens to be reading, that I am not a fashion blogger. I don't even play one on TV. I did recently write a story about wishing I could go back to dressing like a lunatic, but mostly my clothing choices run towards Boden, J. Crew, and heavily discounted crap I find at Century 21. I've written in the past about my love for Mrs. Roper wear and so for the past year, I have been looking for the perfect caftan. As I near the age where I surpass "old" and move into "really fucking old," I figure it's about time. So wasn't I excited to see a caftan on J. Crew's sale site today.
Excited, that is, until I started reading the description. Here are the problems with this garment:
1. It's white and not available in any other colors. White means I will either get my period in it, drop a blob of something covered in olive oil on it, or it will become covered with cat hair in no time flat. Three black cats and a white muumuu? Not going to happen.
2. It's silk! White silk. This thing would be done for like a tissue during allergy season in one day.
3. At full price it goes for the completely laughable price of $499. It's on sale for the still hilarious $299.99. And even though J. Crew is doing 40% off sale price it's still close to $200. For a white silk caftan. I may as well burn a couple hundies and save myself the shipping costs.
The butt of many a Seinfeld joke, J. Peterman has an entire caftan section and they have sales frequently. Unfortunately, they look a lot better in the paintings than they do in the photo reference they recently began providing. This is probably because they're all cotton, which is nice, but I need a little dazzle. Maybe some gold threads or sequins. . . .
Perhaps not surprisingly, QVC has a number of caftans for sale, including this Bob Mackie number. . .
. . . and this beaded leopard Dennis Basso (who's he?) caftan.
Fellow Millburn High School alum Rachel Zoe is apparently a "caftan addict," which is yet another on the long list of things we have in common (alongside a refusal to swallow solid foods). Here's her rather disappointing take on the muumuu.
Ebay is probably the most reliable place to spot some dazzle. Like this sequinned leopard garment—only $15.95
Of course finding the quality goods on the 'bay, means you have to sift through items like this wondrous homage to the cheetah. (Only $52 if you're interested.)
These are pretty, so Moroccan caftans might be the way to go. . .
Except they're sheer, which would just frighten the UPS guy.
This hand-painted baby from China is beautiful, but I worry that one-size-fits-all from Asia may not wrap around my ginormo American ass.
Okay, I think I'm in love. At $89, it's a little spendy, but how incredibly cool is this vintage explosion of fun? Should I do it?