Normally, I only rent truly crappy movies when I'm PMSing. (This by way of explaining away Stepmom a few years back.) I get so wound up that I know I need to cry, but I can't, so I resort to outside stimulation. Like an enema for my sad glands. I once tried to explain this need for a tearjerker to a friendly video store clerk and he forced a copy of It's My Party on me. It seemed promising enough—young guy gets AIDS and throws a big farewell party for himself. And everyone's fave fag hag, Margaret Cho, is in it! Sounded like a winner.
Wrong. I should've listened to my brain that tells me anything that Eric Roberts touches is shit. It was one of the most horribly acted movies I've ever sat through. Mawkish and sappy; if there were a Lifetime TV for men, this would be on 24/7, along with Brian's Song (which I loved as a little girl).
But my period just passed, so there's no excuse for renting Rumor Has It. What was I thinking? I guess I just felt a little bad for Jen since new baby Shiloh is on the scene, but not bad enough to shell out ten bucks to see The Breakup. Mark Ruffalo, whom I normally love, plays a giant sucker. Let me tell you what—if my girlfriend slept with Kevin Costner, there'd be no way in hell I'd be taking her back. Yuck. Even Shirley MacLaine, in her patented wacky, still-thinks-she's-young granny role blew chunks.
OH, and earlier in the week Netflix sent me The Family Stone. Another stinker! While SJP doesn't bug me that much, she was really irritating in this. It made no sense that hottie Dermot Mulroney would fall for her character. This implausibility was annoying enough, but then manstealer Claire Danes comes on the scene, as SJP's much cuter, more fun, sis! Barf. While I confess that I do have a certain fondness for My So-Called Life, Danes should've packed it in after that. Her entire acting repertoire consists of the pouty head-tilt that she either pairs with the big saddy waddy eyes or a contained look of bemusement. Both equally ass-chappy. STRAIGHTEN OUT YOUR HEAD, YOU TWIT!!!!!! That look was barely winsome when she was 16; at 25 (or however old she is now) it merely serves to make her look slightly retarded. Can't wait to see it at 40.