Bad Advice

101 Things I Love, #92

The Clash. It's Joe Strummer's 59th birthday today, and as evidence that life is far from fair, he's not here to enjoy it. As I've gassed on about before, interviewing him has been the highlight of my writerly career (you can read the whole thing here). Unfortunately, I woke up with a bad taste in my mouth about it when I read this faint praise about the interview this morning on some punk site:

In honor of the occasion, we’ve stumbled upon a decade-old interview with Strummer from Punk Magazine. The interview was conducted by a Strummer fan-girl, but it’s actually very well written and insightful.

Yes, "well-written and insightful," even though it was WRITTEN BY A GIRL. Punk may be dead, but sexism is certainly alive and thriving.

101 Things I Love, #93

Kitten videos! I am utterly unmoved by the hijinx of human babies, but throw a couple kittens in front of the video cam and I am squeeing like an idjit.

101 Things I Love, #94

What a GORGEOUS photo of John Doe and Exene Cervenka. Look how young and in love they were. This photo, by the incredibly talented Laura Levine, captures such a beautiful moment in time. I'm not a huge X fan, but when I get some dough, this piece is going on my wall. You can buy it here.

Levine also owns a super-cute store in Phoenicia, called Mystery Spot.

101 Things I love, #95

I was at Fairway with my friends Anna and Rose when Anna urged me to try this stuff. The help-yourself dip section kind of grosses me out (I'm sure there's boogers in there), but she seemed insistent so I spread some on a cracker and tried it. It's like crack! Honestly, one of the five most delicious things I've ever tasted, and I can't think of the other four.

The label says it's made with artichokes too, but believe me, they're only there as a vehicle for the garlic. It's over seven bucks for a little jar, so I've been trying to make my own at home. The only ingredients listed are artichokes, garlic and olive oil, yet so far I haven't hit the exact ratio. I will keep trying and I will prevail! Until then, I bought the giant jar for $28 and I'm being very stingy with it.

101 Things I love, #96

I'm not particularly interested in weddings (or Kate Moss), yet I adore Kate Moss and Jamie Hince's wedding photos. They'll be published in the September issue of Vogue (hi, Conde!), which I always buy because it's just so fucking huge. Moss and Hince are such a glam couple and I imagine the what-to-wear pressure of being an invited guest must've been off the charts, though I'll bet Keith Richards didn't care. I know there was another big wedding in England this year (snore), but this one actually looked like fun.

101 Things I love, #97

Beastanetics. Now I say I love Beastanetics, but it's probably more accurate to say I love having done Beastanetics. There are some nights I lay awake, dreading the next morning's 8am workout. But once the workout is over (just 50 minutes after it starts) and I've lost four pounds of water weight and am scarlet in the face and gasping for air . . . well, then I feel virtuous, strong, and famished.

Being a beast hasn't caused me to lose a bunch of weight or anything (remember the "famished" part), but I am way stronger than when I started. I can do some push-ups now. I can run up the stairs without panting, my bingo wings are slightly less flippity floppy and my ass is a lot tighter.

Everyone in the class is extremely nice and supportive, even though I'm pokey and old. Tim Haft, the guy who runs the class—and Punk Rope!—isn't your typical drill camp instructor type. He's kind and never makes you feel like a spaz, even when you know the truth.

101 Things I love, #98

The other day when I made my usual hopeful mid-day mailbox visit, I was once again disappointed to discover that none of the checks I'm waiting for were in there. Sigh. Being broke is the worst. But this is 101 Things I Love, not 101 Things that Depress the Shit Outta Me. What was in my mailbox was the J. Peterman catalog! I used to love this catalog, though I don't think I ever bought anything from it. Remember when Elaine worked for Peterman on Seinfeld?

I had thought they'd gone out of business, but apparently not. Or they're back. And while I never bought anything out of the catalog before, this time I just might. Isn't this dress gorgeous? I think it might look cute on me too. Of course that purchase depends on whether or not I ever make any money again, but there you go. If I get money, I'll buy this dress. I love it, but not enough to bust out the credit card.

101 Things I Love, #99

The Official Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n' Roll Book of Lists, #1
by: judy_mcguire

This is sort of cheating, but I just made it today. It's my new book trailer starring Keith Richards as an Easter Bunny! You can pre-order The Official Sex, Drugs and Rock 'n' Roll Book of Lists at Amazon now!

101 Things I Love, #100

The Big Guy brought Nature Calls home by accident. It was part of a shaving kit he found on sale and it wasn't until he'd unpacked it that he found this tiny miracle in a bottle. Just two drops in the toilet before you poop and no longer does your crapper smell like, well, a crapper. Instead of the dung, your bathroom now smells like a pine cone wrapped in rosemary! It's poop-activated and since Amazon is out of stock on it (though this place seems to have it), I'm a little panicky about how we'll find a replacement. The bottle is the size of a bottle of Visine, so it won't last long.

I mean, this thing will make pooping in public slightly less mortifying! It'll eliminate the eye-watering experience that is having to take a shower five minutes after your date has done his business. You can keep one in your purse and another in your bathroom. My only complaint is that the bottle is so tiny—we need an economy-sized version!

Oh, and if you don't believe me, this is an excerpt from a satisfied customer's review: "First off let me tell you that I am a BURLY constrtuction worker type with BAD stomach issues that make me go to the bathroom (number 2, poop, doo-doo, crap, log rolling, whatever you want to call it) 12 times a day, and seriously I can clear a room with vomiting friends from the stench that comes from my back end!"

101 Things I Love, #101

Because I'm borrowing (stealing) his essay idea from Crackpot, it only makes sense that John Waters and his incredible body of work is the lead-off item in this latest attempt to return me to blogging.

John Waters is the wind beneath my wings. His movies influenced me more than anything else in the world, besides Clash records. From The Diane Linkletter Story to Polyester to Pecker, I loved them all. Especially Female Trouble . . . oh, Dawn Davenport, how I can relate to your Christmas disappointment!

And his books—so uniformly hilarious, insightful and engaging, I can re-read them over and over again and still find new gems to marvel. His stand-up is flawless, his art, surprisingly serious at times (in a good way). But perhaps my favorite thing about John Waters is his ability to find the beauty in the unusual. Though he has employed traditionally good looking actors like the Johnny's, Depp and Knoxville, he also nurtured and the fantabulous Divine. He gave Edith Massey a career despite her gnarly teeth and chunky butt. He brought Tab Hunter's career back from the dead. He let Stiv Bators play the sex god role he was born to play. And you never get the sense that Waters is making fun of them either; nope. He embraced and sometimes even seemed to envy these characters.

OH, and if that weren't enough to love, we share the same favorite holiday, Christmas!

The best presents, it’s not about spending money; it’s about something so perfect that you never even knew [it] was there in the first place. That’s the very best present you can get. And it could cost a nickel; it has nothing to do with what it costs. The worst present: fruit gift baskets. I can buy a fucking pear! You open it and there are six pears! That outrages me.

For these reasons and many more, John Waters is the 101st thing that I love. More TK tomorrow!