A Contest!!!!

It's been a while since I wrote about all the exciting new construction going on in my neighborhood (Williamsburg), but as the condos next door are finally on the market, I thought I'd give an update. That dirt patch there might look kind of crappy (more on that later), but it's actually the backyard to the first-floor condo you see there—the stairs lead up to the spacious deck you can see in this shot:

When the buildings were being slapped up (and nearly destroying my building in the process), the project manager/foreman/whatever told me they were going to be rentals because the market was sucking it so hard. Apparently someone had a change of heart because not only are these condos—they're pricey condos! The one you see there is listed for $660k!!! Sure, it's under 900 square feet, but hey, it's a pet-friendly building, so there's that.

I overheard one potential new neighbor asking the agent if there was any other new construction in the neighborhood. Huh? This woman must've either been visually and/or developmentally challenged or had been choppered in, wearing blinders, because there's the empty Roebling Oil Field building directly to the west, an abandoned project/lot across the street to the south, and one block over, yet another stalled project to the East. The only place there's not new construction is at Private Sunsire Triangle across the street.  

Just for fun, here's a picture of the beautiful model apartment at the Roebling Oil Field Building, all lit up at night. Who wouldn't want to live in a fishbowl? I got nothin' to hide! Plus, think of all the fun you could have, giving pressed hams to passers-by?

But I digress . . . the contest I'm running is to name the stretch of dirt that runs between my building and the fabulous new condo. I've already seen several people using it as a toilet, so I'm thinking something like "Pee-Pee Park" or "Crap Alley." But as I've been under the weather, my naming faculties aren't operating at peak capacity. So see what you can come up with—the scattier the better—and leave your entry in the comments.

As for the prize—well, I think it's only fair that the prize gives something back to the original(ish) inhabitants of the neighborhood. The ones who can't afford to buy fancy new condos or $300 t-shirts at Bird. So I've decided that the prizewinner will get $50 donated to the Greenpoint Soup Kitchen in their name. I wish it could be more, but, unlike many of my new neighbors, I'm not exactly sitting on a trust fund over here.

Comments

[Ivan Lerner]

Excrement Boulevard.

But I'd rather you spent the $50 on yourself.

[jules]

Feculent Terrace

I wan the $50 in my checking account, though.

[Miss Heather]

Bloomturd Mews or Date Rape Alley

[ks]

I'm laughing too hard at the existing entries above to be able to come up with one of my own...

[BigUglyCat]

Colonic Colonade

[Queens Crapper]

Skidmark Row

[Kevin Eleven]

I have to say this was inspired by Ivan's Excrement Boulevard...but "Defecation Boulevard"

[Lauren]

Buttshit Creek

[Bryan]

Blumpkin Place

[Vladi Showbiz]

The House at Pooh Corner

(And yes, I do expect you to call off the contest and send the check immediately to my charity of choice.)

[TV]

Effelunt Alley

[gc]

Brokerbabble Beach

[India Street Kali]

Nobody has to think too much
About DEFECATION ROW

(apologies to old Bob)

[Jannese]

Turd Terrace

[Samoa]

Williamsburg Steamer Factory
or
Doo Doo Flats

[Anonymous]

Bums Alley

[Adriana Vladuca]

i vote for Turd Terrace. does that count!?

[paul]

You see, that's why you are not rich. You just don't have what it takes to build cheap, crappy, poorly designed condos on top of contaminated land and sell them for 5x what the cost you to build.
It takes a businessman to do that. Someone with no mirrors in their apartment. Someone with no soul. Someone who's a freak a-hole. That's not you. Get busy on those mirrors, Man.