Surprise!!!

Of all the identities in all the world, why would anyone steal mine? Wouldn't you think a thief would do a little research and decide to impersonate, oh, I don't know—someone with a good credit rating? Someone who didn't owe the IRS a bunch of money? Someone who actually owned something—anything—of some kind of value? But no, someone stole mine and promptly drained my bank account.

To add insult to brokeness, once he was all dressed up in my identity, he went shopping at Costco. Not Barney's or Bendels or anywhere I'd shop if money weren't an object. No, I get the white-trash ID thief, who spends my dough in the land of ten-gallon Cheese-Coodle barrels and thousand-roll packs of Charmin. To his credit, he did buy a computer, but still—a crappy Costco computer.

While my bank has—so far—been pretty accommodating about the whole thing, Costco is on my nerves. The first rep I spoke with actually hung up on me after I demanded her last name and a direct phone number for the fraud department. "We're not allowed to give that information out," was Evelyn's robotic response. Great. They're allowed to send an $800 computer to a fictitious person on someone else's dime, but not allowed to give me a phone number that will save me from hours on hold. Nice. Remind me never to shop there again—oh wait, I never have.

The second rep confirmed that yep, I'd been ripped off, but refused to tell me what name the thief used (though he did confirm it wasn't mine) or where my computer had been delivered. Oh yeah—it was bought online, so they must have this skell's address! But they won't tell me for "liability reasons." I asked the fraud guy if that meant they were afraid I'd track the scumbag down and exact revenge. He laughed nervously and I got the impression that's absolutely why they won't release that information.

So in exactly 24 hours, I'll be flying solo to Mexico (oh, and a big go-fuck-yourself to the Greek consulate for that one), for a vacation I may no longer be able to afford. Good times. Posting will be light during the next week, but who knows—maybe the identity thief will steal my Typepad log-in info too.

Comments

[travis]

I always said identity thieves could only improve my credit rating, but when it happened (once in Brazil & once here) it really sucked. The part where the bank tells you that they know they've helped someone steal your money, but you can't have it back for a while is my fave.
Change all mentions of Costco sucking into links (to them) about them sucking to harness the mighty power of the blogosphere, or at least vent the emotions.
Maybe the passport will show up today.

[beliefunwrought]

That sucks. I had my credit card number stolen about 3 years ago and it was a huge pain in the ass. And the best part was some one stole my card number to order $900 worth of toner.

[kc]

oooo, guest blogger! maybe s/he'll guest-blog from his/her Costco computer.

[Paul]

Crime pays and white-collar crime like this is a way for scumbags to get out of having to break your lock and actually carry the 'puter home. This way, it's not blue-collar/go to prison crime, it's Dick Cheney/bill me later crime. Actually, it's ideal.
I hope you keep us all posted on which credit card you used and how they treated you. Have you contacted Tina Fey about this? Seems she gets out of these jams pretty easily.