In exactly eight days and three hours, I will be sitting poolside at a cute little casa in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. It is the rainy season, so I may be dodging lightning, but I will most certainly be sipping a cerveza and chatting with my friend Jules, as her boyfriend rubs our feet and fetches us nachos and assorted other snacks. Unfortunately, my man will not be joining me on what was supposed to be our vacaciones romantico.
Can I just tell you how much I loathe the Greek consulate? There really aren't words. My large Greek friend misplaced his passport a year or three ago, but figured getting a new one would be easy schmeasy. After all, he had every other piece of ID a person could possibly need—what could possibly present a problem? (Other than not leaving enough time, which he didn't, but I'm trying to get past that with varying degrees of success.) They'd just issue him a replacement, right?
Wrong. The Greek government is currently deciding whether or not he's a draft-dodger. If he is, they can lock his ass up if he ever goes back to the motherland. If he isn't, they'll issue him a passport. Eventually. As he's lived in the US since he was a year old, he's not a draft-dodger.
He has documentation proving he's never lived in Greece and therefore, was never obligated to serve. Plus, dude's almost 40! What do they want with his tired old ass anyway? I know the Greek army hasn't exactly been tearing up the battlefields lately, but shouldn't they be looking for nubile cannon fodder?
Apparently not. Or, more to the point, the Greek government has declined, so far, to let him know if they'll issue him a passport or not. You know how US bureaucracies are tangled webs of incompetence and imbecility? The Greek government makes an organization like the US postal service look like a beacon of customer service and efficiency. So while these state-paid slackers are drinking ouzo, talking smack about the Turks, and toying with their worry beads, my vacation is being ruined. And I'm just a little bit cranky about it!!!!
UPDATE: The consulate slackers must be Bad Advice readers, because they just called and said they have his papers absolving him of military duty! Now let's see if they can come up with his passport in one week. Yeah, right!