An Option I'd Never Considered. . . .

If you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that I have some serious dental problems. In fact, just this morning I was trying to figure out how I'm going to afford my next $1800.00 bone graft. And that's not even the half of it. Hell, not even the 1/16 of it.

Anyway, my friend Travis knows my situation and sent along a very pertinent article from BB Gun magazine. Apparently Lubricated Goat's Stu Spasm is in a similar boat to mine (and has also suffered at the hands of NYU dental) but has come up with a DIY solution to his dental woes:

Yes, my friends, I make my own teeth, or more precisely I cap my own teeth. If my teeth rot and fall out completely, then I will make my own teeth! Dentists are one of the most over-priced medical services. The second to last time I went (10 years ago), they said I needed a root canal. Before dealing with that, however, they cleaned my teeth in 4 sittings, this cost $2000! I never did get the root canal.

Unlike Stu, I've had root canals. I don't even know how many thousands I've handed over to dentists and periodontists and frankly, I don't want to count. However, I don't think I'll be making my own teeth anytime soon. I'll leave you with this:

From a block of ivory-coloured Sculpey Three (if you are from England you may wish to add a some other colours), pinch off a chunk the size of a tooth. Roll it around booger-style, until it's the shape of a drop of water; oblong and pointy at the top. Hold the clay in one hand and a hand mirror in the other. Place the clay in your mouth, over the top of the fucked up tooth. While checking in the mirror, keep manipulating the clay until the shape is right and it looks like a tooth. You can take it out and make adjustments and put it back in until it's done. Repeat the procedure with some more clay. I, generally, make quite a few at a time, maybe as many as ten or more. Unfortunately, teeth made from Sculpey are very fragile and often break. Pop your teeth in an oven at 275 degrees for about five minutes. When you pull them out carry them in the palm of your hand. If they're so hot, you can't stand it for more than a couple of seconds at a time without switching hands, they're ready. Then you varnish them and they're done.

Comments

[kate c.]

i don't even know what to say about that. except the dig (?) about brits is cool.

[sooz]

I didn't even know this guy was still rocking in the free world! Sound advice...and it sounds a lot less painful for my mcguire mouth!!...it's a family thing others don't seem to understand!

[Kevin Eleven]

I have actually watched Stu do this...more than once.

[Renovation Therapy]

Hi - I saw you have a link to me (thanks!) via my old blog "I Love Upstate" just an FYI I moved to Wordpress, here's the new url:

renovationtherapy.wordpress.com

Now, I could use some Bad Advice. I want laser hair removal. The "30's" are not being kind. Suggestions? :)

[Brian of Brooklyn]

Ooh, I hear you on the bone graft $$$. I had one done, the idea was that the surgery for the implants could be done a few months later.

That was ten years ago this summer.

That was so long ago, I had forgotten I still had screws holding the graft in place until a new dentist was looking over my x-rays and asked me why I had screws in my jawbone.