Phew! I went to a new dermatologist today and she took a look at what was happening on my face and declared that it wasn't a fungus. Turns out when you're as white as I am, applying hot wax and then ripping the eyebrow (or other) hair out by the roots can irritate the skin. So my nice waxer lady wasn't doing anything unhygienic.
Dr. Win gave me some cortisone ointment and took a photo of a little unrelated blob on my nose that might just be cancerous. She offered to biopsy it right then and there, but said it would probably be a better idea to check it again in three months. I was all set to tell her to go ahead and do the biopsy (cancer is a McGuire family tradition), until she described the process—digging into my nose with a big blade to scoop the entire thing out. I decided to wait on that for a few months. Yikes.
(The photo is of a "jelly fungus." I decided to be nice and spare you the facial fungus photos I found.)