I was really happy last week when I got a letter from an incarcerated gentleman, who was wondering what my "rates" were. I used to get prisoner letters all the time and wondered what had happened. Did they stop carrying the Weekly in the big house? Or maybe I'd done something to offend. I couldn't figure it out.
But today, as I was scanning the New York Times, I recognized another criminal who used to write me—only this guy wasn't locked up. He was a hooker-hound/turned pedophile, actively trolling for young girls. I was really grossed out by his letter—I mean, I'm used to handling dilemmas more along the lines of whether or not someone should break up with their boyfriend for farting.
The cops even contacted me over this column, but I guess since they haven't caught him in the act, they can't do anything. In fact, there's not even any evidence that the creep has done anything except talk. And you can't arrest a guy for talking. . . .