All you L Word Haters—I'm talking to you Val and Ivan—you're just going to have to go read Gawker or some shit, because there has been a very troubling issue with the L Word this season and I need to address it.
Of course I'm speaking of the extreme lack of sex scenes. I'm not even going to address the Jenny Problem because this is more pressing: this show used to be a veritable boobie fest. What happened? Sure, last night we got to see Shane's titties again, but really, I've seen better on a 12-year-old boy. And, BTW, I generally loathe the word "titties," but it seems to fit what Shane's packing.
True, Kristanna Loken's set was impressive, but they were also preceded by an excruciating gay awareness lecture at Shay's school. That the stupid tolerance storyline took about about ten times as long as the Shane/Loken tryst did shows what's wrong with this show this season—they don't know who their audience is.
Hello? Anyone subscribing to Showtime for one reason and one reason only, and that's to see the L Word, is at least lesbian-friendly! (Or a horny straight guy, but whatever.) We don't need to hear about how bad it is that little kids call each other "gay" in the schoolyard! We know it's wrong and guess what—we're not the ones using it as an insult! Throw that scene into Everwood or Everybody Loves Raymond. You're preaching to the choir here!
The only funny thing to come out of that tedious scene was when Shay announced that his sister was gay only to have Shane follow that up with the ten-times-more-shocking revelation that she was a hairdresser. Stylist, cure thyself!
Also, Alice is the cutest girl on the show (sorry Helena, you're close, but no cigar) and after Dana's tragic demise (damn you, Chaiken!), she needs a little fun. A little light. A little folly. The Phyllis storyline started off funny, though unlikely, but now she's all tied up with Tasha, who, while also quite cute, is obviously suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I know this because of the ridiculous dream sequence we the viewers suffered through last night. Note to the writers—we get it. So instead of fun naked frolicking, Alice has panic attacks and violent hallucinations to look forward to. Great. I'm also betting a lot of heavy-handed war talk will also follow. Sigh.
Can we just not? I watch CNN. I read the paper. I know what's going on in the world and I watch shows like the L Word for escape from all that. So Ilene, if you're listening, my friend Elisabeth and I both have great story ideas. And I don't know about her, but I work cheap.