I'm home from the office all day today, trying to think up pitches, working on my Bust story, and writing next week's Dategirl. This week's column is up and sensitively discusses dating out of your league. I tell the guy in doubt that there are indeed women who'd be considered out of his league, physically speaking, but if he's rich and famous enough, all bets are off.
And so then isn't it a coincidence that this week's Observer features a story on 59-year-old James Woods and his busty 20-year-old girlfriend, Ashley Madison. You can practically hear her gurgle upspeak through the page. My favorite quote was from Woods, gassing on about his belusted: “She’s a great singer, which people don’t sort of realize because, you know, she’s more of an actress." Really, James? She's an actress? I'd never heard of her, so I IMDB'ed her ass.
Hmmm. I feel so silly for being unfamiliar with her oeuvre. After all, she played the part of the "possessed jogger" in the yet-to-be released Pretty Cool 2 (I seem to have missed the original as well). Ms. Madison also played the part of James Woods' girlfriend in last week's Entourage, and the "model girlfriend" in another movie nobody's ever heard of. But who am I to be mean about her? I was an idiot at 20 too, only I had neither implants nor a rich elderly boyfriend. At that age I was slutting around DC, wearing a giant mohawk and a ripped t-shirt.
I've tried dating much younger men and it's always failed. Mostly because I'm cranky and the youth have a lot of energy for the chatter. Then there's the angst. The illusion that their pain is dark and unique and no one will ever truly know the mystery that is them. Yawn. But I'm guessing Ms. Madison doesn't have a whole lot of angst rattling around in her pretty little noggin. Either that, or James Woods is a more patient elder than I. Then again, maybe he's just a bigger perv.