It's official, Ms. Kimora Lee Simmons and rap impresario Russell Simmons have split. Not shockingly, Russell has already found a new lady, who happens to be a 23-year-old model he met in yoga class. Vomit. It is unclear whether Kimora lived up to her promise to "beat a bitch's ass" when she found out the child was banging her man. One can only hope.
Now obviously, celebrity breakups are fairly inevitable. This one is just irritating because of Russell's bullshit obsession with yoga. Spare me.
No doubt Kimora is completely batshit nutso, but Russell is just as equally full of shit. Those crunchy yoga dudes are the absolute worst. I know his type, don't you? They wear those nasty loose-fitting yoga pants that highlight their weiners in a most unflattering manner and pretend to be all ohm-shanti and shit, when the truth is, they're just staring at asses. If you've ever been to a yoga class you'll know I speak the truth.
Coincidence or no that Simmons met his latest piece at Jivamukti. I'm sorry, Russell, but you're a gazillionaire, if you were truly interested in enlightenment and not just on a quest for limber cooter, you would've hired yourself an on-staff yogi and skipped the classes filled with supermodels twisting themselves into pretzels.