I promise this will be the last tooth entry of the day. I just couldn't resist, because today, the good doctors at NYU Dental discovered a whole new way to make Judy scream. I was supposed to just have a quick look/see with my periodontist, but the problem with having a super-cute health care provider who works in a room filled with dorky dental students is that sooner or later, they all stop by to "see how she's doing."
Back off, mouthbreathers! Can't you see she's busy?!?!?
Today it was a horny endodontics student, whom she quickly roped into doing a consult on me. Great. This is after an hour spent having sharp probes shoved under my gumline. Dr. Doom strapped on a mask and gloves and sat down. He was there to determine whether or not I needed root canals on several teeth they're thinking about saving.
"Raise your hand if this hurts," he said as he sprayed what looked like canned air on the end of a giant q-tip. He had me open wide and laid the swab on a tooth.
"YEEEOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!" I screamed, bolting upright and practically vomiting from the pain.
"Okay, that tooth is fine," he smiled, moving onto the next one.
And once again, I was treated to the kind of pain that is so excruciating I can only compare it to biting down on a wad of tinfoil with a filled tooth. Or maybe it's how having electrodes attached to your genitals feels. Or getting your eyeballs pierced.
Apparently if you don't scream in pain, the tooth is dead and you need a root canal. Lucky me. They were all quite alive, thanks.